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The Road is Long

 

 

It’s not a long way from Liverpool to Heppleton.  But it was a long journey.  For Anthony.  A younger brother is always a young brother, someone who you look down to.  No matter what he has done.  No matter if he has not lived up to expectations.  If you don’t expect you don’t get.

 

Clifton Maybank had assumed Anthony had come to rescue him.  He had not.  Clifton had assumed Anthony had come to forgive him.  He had not.

 

 

 

With Many of Winding Turns

 

 

We can both walk the same path and reach a different destination.  A different ending.  We can both have the same upbringing and have different perceptions of what our family life was like.  Are children treated differently?  Of course, they are.  Parents have favourites – of course they do.  But parents have favourites in different circumstances.  Parents are sometimes proud of the academic success.  Parents are sometimes proud of financial success.  Sometimes parents are disappointed when their children do not conform to expectations.

 

Clifton Maybank had always looked up to his brother Anthony. He had physically looked up to him.  Anthony was taller and stronger, Anthony was the sporty one.  Clifton loved sport.  He loved football.  He loved Liverpool but it was Anthony who succeeded.

 

Anthony had not come to support Clifton.  It was Anthony who needed supporting.

 

Looking down.

 

Looking down on his little brother.

 

 

To Lead Us to Who Knows Where

 

 

He did not have any direction.  He was the strong one, the sporty one, the one they all looked up to.  It is difficult to walk tall.  So, they didn’t talk.  They did not have anything to talk about.  People talk about shared interests.  It did not seem as if they had anything to share.

 

Sometimes silence is golden.

 

Clifton Maybank knew there was a problem.  He just did not know what the problem was.

 

 

 

But I’m Strong

 

 

Clifton Maybank was obsessed with sport.  He idolised Liverpool FC.  And the fact that Daniel had come on board strengthened his obsession.  It was something they could share.  You would say a father/son bonding.  But they were not father and son.  Daniel and Clifton shared something else.  They were both obsessive about sport but they were both useless at it.  Clifton had always wanted to be like Anthony.  Anthony looked like Clifton at a first glance, people in the past had got them confused.  Daniel had got confused the first time he met Anthony.  If you looked closer there were differences.  Anthony was taller, broader.  He was the sporty one.  He had even had a trial at Liverpool FC.

 

Clifton’s parents had not understood his need to enter the church, but they had respected it and they had supported him.  However, they never did come to any of his services.  They went to every game that Anthony played.

 

It was over a whiskey, an Irish one, that the brothers started to talk.  Daniel had long gone to bed.  Clifton noticed that Daniel had resumed taking Kop with him to nurse his sleep.  Clifton had also noticed this had happened when Anthony arrived.

 

Sometimes you don’t want to share.

 

 

 

His Welfare is My Concern

 

 

People always ask what you do.  It is apparently your job that defines you.  Clifton Maybank had the ultimate job that defined him.  People could judge him by his cover.  He never thought about it.  He was just who he was.  If Clifton’s family had judged him, it made him feel sad, but it did not make him feel guilty.  Life was too short for that.

 

Anthony had an admission, an admission he would only make to a priest.  It was an admission he would only make to his little brother.  Clifton Maybank.

 

Anthony hated sport.  He had always hated it.  His life had been a lie.  Anthony had excelled in sport his whole life.  His family had always been so proud of his achievements.  But people have pride in things they value and Anthony did not value sport.

 

It was a simple admission.  Clifton Maybank knew it was not simple for Anthony.  He was denying the grain of his life.  His pretend life.  It was all about lies.  Both their lives had been about lies.  Two brothers who had lied about themselves.  They were very different but they looked the same, and they had a lot in common.  They had both been eager to please.  Clifton had learnt that to please yourself you may have to hurt others.

 

Anthony was discovering this now.

 

 

 

From Which there is no Return

 

 

If you have a focus in life and it is diminished, it is not the focus you thought, if it is the focus of others, it is hard to change.

 

Disliking sport was trivial to many people.  Clifton Maybank knew it was a devasting blow to Anthony.  It was what Anthony’s life had been based on.  The foundations were gone.  Anthony’s whole life, his whole career, was founded on sport.  It was what he excelled at.  Anthony’s whole life was based on a lie.

 

Anthony had only played sport to please his father.  Clifton Maybank pretended to be straight to please his father.  They were his dreams – they were not the dreams of his boys, the brothers.  Now Anthony was getting older, and he was getting tired.

 

It was hard living up to the man you never wanted to be.

 

He was so tired.

 

But he slept lightly.  There was a knock on his bedroom door.

 

“He always helps me to sleep – maybe he can help you”.

 

Daniel offered to share Kop with Anthony.

 

He didn’t want to.

 

Anthony was not interested in a teddy bear dressed in red.  He was not interested in sport.

 

Anthony wondered whether he could share something with Clifton.  Not their history or their past, that was already cemented.

 

Anthony wondered whether Clifton would share something of Daniel with him.

 

 

 

He Ain’t Heavy

 

 

It wasn’t a long way from Heppleton to Liverpool.

 

But it was a long journey.

 

They both knocked.

 

Brothers in arms.

 

They looked alike.  They were so different.  They had the same purpose.

 

They wanted forgiveness – forgiveness for being themselves.

 

Their father shed two tears.  One for each of his sons.

 

This was not an ending.

 

It was a beginning.