Jacob's Ladder
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1930
He was a later gift to Janet and John. Janet had fallen pregnant with relative ease but, after Jenny, everything stopped, so they presumed that that was the end of things.
Such is life.
Or the start of life.
Then came Jake. Janet knew it would be a boy and this time she didn’t care. She had never expected the gift. It was a belated present. It was as if she transferred all her love of the others onto him. It had been six years since Jenny had gone. Janet was a natural Mother but a Mother one at a time so, because Jake was the last, and she knew he would be the last, she bestowed all her love on the last son.
Jimmy and Joe were too wrapped up in themselves and their plans to notice. Jerome noticed. Left out in the cold again.
He was used to it.
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1940
It was as though she could hear the footsteps from the moment they set out. It was a heavy tread. It was the sound that every woman in the country dreaded.
Janet only needed to know which one.
Maybe it was a Mother’s instinct, maybe that overrode every other feeling. Janet had known loss.
Who was it to be?
So, almost with a sense of relief; she discovered that her sons were safe and alive. It was her husband John who was lost.
No more sleeping adjacent to each other.
Such is life.
Such is death.
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Jake felt robbed. The others had had so much longer with John, their father. It was not something that they could repay.
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It was all to do with timing.
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Janet wanted to make him a birthday cake, her beloved Jake, her youngest son but it would be a difficult task as provisions were still in short supply. It was difficult to get:
Flour
Sugar
Butter
Jam
But a birthday cake arrived for her beloved son, for Jake.
Jake never knew the price she had to pay for that cake.
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1950
The scars were still there in the nation and in Jake’s heart. The nation was exhausted and so was Jake. He had thought, as others did, that the end of the war would signify change. And it did, but even five years later things were in short supply.
Hope was in short supply for Jake. Things at home had been hard since his father’s death. Jimmy kept things going – dependable, reliable Jimmy. But Jimmy’s favourite sibling had been Joe and now Joe needed looking after. If truth be known, Jake hardly knew Jimmy. There was ten years and a war between them. Ten years in childhood is an enormous gap.
A chasm.
So, Jeannie was his hope. Jeannie was beautiful and stylish. Jake did not know how she could have afforded her appearance. But love does not question.
Life is defined by hope.
Such is life.
Jeannie could not have been after his money. He didn’t have much. Only his own savings and a little nest egg left by his father. Jake told Jeannie about this. It wasn’t much, but it was enough.
Enough to take Jake for a ride.
He had little, and then little to show for the experience.
When it was gone, she left – left for the next one to ensure that she could look beautiful and stylish.
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1960
Jackie was pregnant so Jake married her. Obligation was the word everyone used. Jake felt obliged. However, it was not an obligation. Jake welcomed the marriage because he loved Jackie and would love their child.
So, it was decided. People thought it rash and these days, there was no necessity for marriage; it was a time of free thinking – no restrictions. However, Jake was an honourable man and he wanted the marriage to go ahead. Jackie was keen for it to be sooner rather than later. She did not want the pregnancy to be obvious on the day.
It was a small affair, a discrete gathering. Even the guests were sceptical about the longevity of the partnership. Divorce was now much more acceptable than it had previously been and neither Jake nor Jackie were particularly religious. It was just a matter of time.
The small Registry Office do suited their needs.
Jake and Jackie suited each other.
Everyone thought it wouldn’t last but Jake and Jackie had strong foundations in their new life.
Such is life.
Jason was born six months after the ceremony.
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The marriage lasted 52 years.
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1970
As far as Jake and Jackie knew there had never been twins on either side of their families. Jackie had fallen pregnant with Jason shortly after they had met. It happened surprisingly quickly. It had been a surprise to both of them. However, things had worked out well and Jason would be starting big school next year. He was a good child, a good son. He took after his father.
What Jake and Jackie both found equally surprising was that after Jason, when they were actively trying to extend their family, nothing happened. It wasn’t as if Jackie was too old but it seemed as if her body just wouldn’t conceive. She said it was alright, Jason was enough for her, but Jake knew Jackie wanted more children. They just did not come.
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Like buses.
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Nothing for ages and then two in a row. Jackie had thought she was a bit off colour, maybe anaemic. She only went to the doctor after Jake’s perseverance. When Jake opened the door to her, he knew – knew she knew. So, on the doorstep they cried, without even muttering a word.
Later they were to discover it was twins. As far and Jake and Jackie knew there had never been twins on either side of their families.
Such is life.
Such are two lives.
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It was not an easy birth, not like with Jason – but Jackie was now older and there were two of them, so they had to operate.
One was struggling. One was greedy and had taken most of the nourishment Jackie had provided. This one was beautifully healthy, lying in it’s Mothers arms.
Jake, frantically looking into the Intensive Care Unit, at the incubator; not allowed to touch his child.
Such is life.
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It was months – a few hard months before they were a united family. Just in time for Jason’s birthday. Jake worried that the homecoming would overshadow his son’s event. They never wanted to leave him out. Jake need not have worried. It was the best birthday present he had ever received, exclaimed Jason.
His birthday present was the opportunity to be a proper big brother to both of them.
Jason was a good son. He took after his Father.
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Janice had been the strong one and had arrived home shortly after her birth.
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Today the weaker one was coming home for the first time.
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As far as Jake and Janice knew there had never been twins on either side of their families.
Jake knew that on his side of the family, there were only boys.
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Except this day when their twin daughters were reunited.
Janice …
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… and Jenny.
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1980
It was perseverance that made Jason continue his studies. He was good with numbers; he was like his Father in this matter. Jason had gained an apprenticeship in a local firm of accountants who were sponsoring his night classes to gain his professional qualifications. Jake was proud of his son, but then again, he always had been.
It was a hard slog for Jason – trying to balance work, classes and studying at home. Mostly he could cope but Jake could see the struggles he was having and Jake knew that he had to take action.
It was the noise. Their noise was unbearable for their parents and unbearable for Jason’s studies. The twins argued all the time. Jackie wondered what had happened to the two affectionate toddlers who always had time for each other. One stronger. One more protective.
The girls experienced adolescence in a much different way to Jason. His experience had been growth, spots, awkwardness and a changing voice. Janice and Jenny just seemed to be moody – mood swings which meant that they seem to swing in the opposite direction to the other. So, if one was happy, the other was miserable.
As teenage girls the twins had learnt to hate each other and their constant bickering and rowing erupted noise throughout the whole house. Things were thrown and things were broken. They just did not seem to tolerate each other. Life in the house was one long, noisy battle, confounded by the girl’s proximity. A chalk line was drawn down the middle of their bedroom. They said they wouldn’t speak to each other but they still managed to shout at each other.
Jake observed all his family and knew he had to act.
It was time to move he decided. The girls need to be separated before they killed each other and killed Jason’s dreams. Jackie was reluctant, feeling that they were too old to start anew, they shouldn’t be taking out a mortgage at their time of life.
Jake had always been an honourable man and felt it was his duty to protect and provide for his family So, in addition to his office work he took on private clients, reviewing their receipts, their scruffy incomprehensible accounts – late into the night and first thing in the morning before he set off for his day job. For a year he hardly saw anything of family life but he got together the deposit and they found their new home.
All the children were ecstatic. Jason had his own study and the girls had their own separate bedrooms.
Then they started to talk to each other again, joining together to make plans for their new individual spaces. They shared and chatted about ideas. It was as if being apart was the thing drawing them together. It was accepted that Janice had the bigger room of the two. She was, and always would be, the stronger of the two. Jenny did not really mind. She had been apart from Janice before. They would be happy going their own ways to bed.
Jake and Jackie and Jason were just happy that the only noise they heard from the twin’s bedrooms was laughter. Laughter from one room or the other. Because usually they were both in the same room.
Such is life.
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1990
It was a full house again. It had been for three years since Jason had returned. It was the only time that Jake had seen his son angry, an anger grown from despair. Jason had been a good child and then a good man. He took after his Father.
When Julie left him, he could not find reason. Turning inward upon himself he questioned what he had done wrong. There was someone else, and had been for a while apparently. Jason had been too trusting to notice. Perhaps he had been like his father, spending hours working to provide for her. When people said it was lucky that they didn’t have children he wanted to scream. Julie was pregnant now, sitting in expectancy with her lover – in the house that Jason was still paying for.
It was at least a year before Jackie and Jake saw the signs of their son returning to them; the bitterness calming and his personality being restored. So, they trundled along, the five of them – a day to day existence.
Jake had heard the rumours and confided in Jackie. Rumours in the pub where he and Jason often enjoyed a pint, so he knew it was only a matter of time before Jason would hear. Jackie wanted to tell him but Jake felt it would be better coming from him.
Man to man.
Such is life.
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Julie had been abandoned. She was a single mother and single. Jackie feared that Jason would return to her. In her heart Jackie believed that it was what Jason always wanted and, like his Father he was an honourable man who had taken vows.
The conversation was difficult to start and unusually Jake struggled to talk to his son. He could do nothing but be straight with him. Jason did not react; he was not shocked. Jake realised that Jason knew already and he confirmed this. He had already held extensive conversations with Julie to discuss the future.
Jake was devastated. It wasn’t that he particularly disliked Julie, it was that he knew how much pain she had inflicted on his precious son.
Jackie would be devastated too.
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They need not have been devastated.
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Jason had met someone else and had asked Julie for a divorce.
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2000
Jake and Jackie had been on their own for five years.
The wedding lacked the pomp and circumstance of the first one. Jess was plainer and plumper than Julie but Jake loved her at once when Jason first brought her home. It was her eyes. She had honest eyes.
They say opposites attract and that certainly was the case when Jason had met Julie but, this time, this second time when Jason had met a like-minded individual who was open, honest and reliable. It was like looking in the mirror.
Jackie did not mind the Registry Office. She hadn’t mind it for her own wedding and that had turned out successful. Jackie did not even mind that she was outshone by the mother of the bride in the fashion stakes. No-one could outshine her in the smiling stakes.
Not even Jessica.
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Not even Jake whose eyes flashed with humour and compassion as he gave his best man’s speech.
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Janice had always dominated. Jenny was always the meek one.
Or so they thought.
Jenny turn out to be the brave one and also the clever one; smallest and bravest. The family were astounded to discover that Jenny was planning to emigrate. She had met Jonathan during her studies. No-one thought it was serious because Jenny was not one to discuss her relationships unlike Janice who paraded every current beau before her parents, always presuming that this one was the one. They never were.
Jenny and Jonathan were moving to Australia to pursue their medical careers. They did not intend to marry but the solid partnership had been formed.
Jake and Jackie had mixed feelings – delight at their daughter’s success and happiness. This was coupled with despair at the imminent loss. It was so far. Jackie had never liked travel and, in her older years, even less so. Communication these days had greatly improved but it was never going to be the same.
Jake could not articulate any words.
He didn’t have to.
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Jason wished her well but it was Janice whose world fell through. She refused to accept her sister’s decision and refused to talk to her. It was as if a chalk line had been drawn between them, separating their lives.
Janice, it seemed, was after all the weaker twin. She could not conceive of being without Jenny; Jenny had always been integral in her life.
Such was their lives.
The strong one makes the decisions.
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Jake could not articulate any words.
He didn’t have to.
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Jason could not be there to see them off. Jessica and him were in the Highlands on honeymoon. His first honeymoon had been to the Seychelles.
Jenny and Jonathan placed their luggage on the conveyor belt, checked in and got their their boarding cards.
Jackie had just got over a flood of tears at Jason’s wedding. She thought there could be no more left.
She was wrong.
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Jenny and Jonathan looked out of the aircraft window and waved, even though they knew that they could not be seen. It was comforting however.
Jonathan sat in the aisle seat. As a tall man, he wanted to stretch his legs when he could and it was to be a long journey. Jenny was not bothered about where she sat; she had never been fussy.
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The window seat was taken by Janice.
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Jake could not articulate any words.
He didn’t have to.
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2010
They had only ever seen them on the screen. Jake didn’t mind as much as Jackie. She just wanted to hold them. Jackie had longed to be a grandmother and adored Jonah and Jefferson, the children of Jenny and Jonathan. They were settled now in Brisbane and, although Jackie said she would visit, as the years passed Jake thought that this would never happen.
But he did not give up hope.
At first Jackie blamed her dislike of travelling, and certainly the long distance it entailed. These days Jackie just did not seem to have the energy – she was constantly tired. She didn’t even seem to relish the weekly Skype calls from them in the same way that she used to.
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They were a happy unit and although Jenny and Jonathan never did marry, they were committed to their life, their professions and their children. Jenny returned to work almost immediately after the births of both of her children. Her day care was provided by Janice who was a loving and doting auntie. Jenny knew that Janice spoilt them too much but it gave Janice pleasure. So, it gave pleasure to Jenny too.
If Janice was happy, Jenny was happy.
Janice too loved Brisbane. Australian life suited her free spirit. She continued, as she had done back home, to have a succession of suitors with each one going to be the one. They never were. It never happened and now Janice lived alone. The neighbours liked her and she had established a good circle of friends because she was, as ever, outgoing and friendly. Her friends did not understand the name she call her house ‘The Chalk Line’ – but Jenny laughed when she saw the plaque, so the joke was worthwhile.
If Jenny was happy, Janice was happy.
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Jake would have liked more grandchildren too. He thought it was sad that Jason was not a father. He considered that Jason had been a good child, a good man, a good son and a good husband but he would have been an excellent father. Jake liked to think that Jason would have taken after himself. Jason and Jess seemed happy enough as they trundled along in their lives, and if they were disappointed in their lack of offspring they didn’t ever say, so Jake and never asked.
Such is life.
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Every Christmas Jake wanted to go to visit the twins and their grandchildren. This year Jason and Jess were going and Jake implored Jackie to consider joining them and reuniting all the family.
Jackie said she was too tired.
Jake continued unabated. He knew if she relented, she would really enjoy herself.
Jackie said she was too tired.
Jake became persistent in his requests but Jackie would not listen.
Jackie said she was too tired.
Jackie became too tired of Jake’s constant nagging about it and so she told him.
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Jackie had found a lump.
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2020
Such is death.
Since Jake had become a widower, he had also adopted a new role in life.
Jake had become a recluse.
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Jake met Jason once a week, every Thursday for a pint. That was really his only social interaction despite Jason’s attempts to involve his Father in other pursuits. Jake simply wasn’t interested.
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Jake stared into the black pint in front of him. Jason was late. Jason was never late. Jason was honest and kind. Jason was reliable. He took after his Father.
It took Jake a moment to realise that the mobile phone ringing was his. Nobody ever called him except Jason. Of course, it was Jason.
Jess had been taken ill. He couldn’t come. Jake said that it didn’t matter, that he understood. Jake did understand but it did matter.
Jake was lonely.
He had a second pint. He was in no rush to get home.
Jake stayed and watched the darts match. When the fresh air hit him, he felt a bit unsteady and light-headed. He realised that he had drunk four pints whilst he had been engrossed in watching the match. Many people thought that darts was a game about drinking; Jake thought it was a game about numbers.
Jake realised that he had enjoyed himself.
Jess continued to be ill. Jason could not make it the following Thursday either.
Again, Jake went alone to the pub and watched the darts. One chap spoke to him.
It started as a trickle and soon became a stream.
By his fifth visit the whole team knew him.
On his sixth visit there was a problem he was told. Their Treasurer was going to retire and they were struggling to find a replacement because none of the team were good with numbers. Jake was amused. To him, darts was a game all about numbers. He had always been good with numbers.
It sounded, to Jake, that the voice was his and yet didn’t belong to him. He had been alone and lonely for so long he had almost forgotten what his voice sounded like. Now he found himself volunteering for the role, volunteering to be part of a team.
When Jason called to arrange to meet up again, Jake told him he was busy.
Jason smiled.
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For the next eight years Jake kept the books, he organised the sandwiches and arranged the fixtures.
They named him Team Captain, although he had never thrown a dart in his life.
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A note chalked on the pub blackboard.
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As far as Jake knew there had been no history of twins in his family.
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Jake
