Dictionary
Frustrated
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The only time he was happy was when he was asleep. When he was asleep, he had nightmares. So, he wasn’t particularly happy then either.
The nightmares were not identical; situations and people changed. However, they remained identical in their theme.
A phone number not able to be dialled
A suitcase unable to be packed
A search for a toilet never to be found
A disgracing of oneself
A sentence that could not be properly written
Sweet dreams were never made of this.
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This was the basis of his first conversation with her. Conversation was not the right word. For a conversation to take place, two people at least need to talk. In this instance, he did all the talking.
He did not like the sound of his own voice. He didn’t particularly like himself. To his perception, nobody else liked him either.
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Nobody chooses to be a loner but sometimes your nature defines you and you deserve to be alone. That was what he believed.
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She did not contradict him because she remained silent and he regaled his dreams.
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“I couldn’t dial the correct numbers on the phone. I kept getting it wrong. It was an important call”.
“The lock will not open. I need to get out, to escape”.
“The train has just left. I was running to catch it. I needed to be there”.
“I couldn’t finish the jigsaw; the pieces were not all there”.
“All the time I was trying but nothing was working. I always failed”.
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On one of the rare occasions that she spoke, she told him that his fears and doubts lay in frustration. There was a pattern to his dreams.
He was paying her for this knowledge. Paying for her to tell him something that he already knew. He had worked it out years ago.
Of course, he was frustrated.
What he wanted to know was why. Why, in his dreams, did he struggle to achieve what he wanted to achieve
Why was he not capable?
She remained silent. She was invariably the quiet type. It was her job to listen, not speak and not to judge.
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One day he was capable.
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